hair-trigger

Last night I had a sexy dream about M, myself, and a couple we know all gettin’ it on together.

And so now I’m kind of… eager, you might say.

alien

So MJ and I have been doing some fangirl squeeing about Doctor Who – mostly about the tenth Doctor, portrayed by David Tennant. Or David Ten-Inch, apparently. (OOF.)  What does this have to do with sex/relationships? Hang on, I’ll try to make sense. (Unless you’ve never seen Doctor Who before and could not find two shits to give about it or about any television program. If that’s you, I’m so, so sorry.)

I’ll allons-y with you any day, Time Lord.

I watched two episodes last night before bed. I intended to watch only one, but the first one ended in a cliffhanger and hell, I’d had a can of Coke at 6:30 pm and no amount of living room yoga can counteract caffeine consumed at that hour. In these episodes, the Doctor and Martha are on the run from some aliens who need to consume a Time Lord in order to continue their lives. The Doctor must become human. So of course, he, as a human, ends up falling in love. He then has to give up being human, give up his love to save the world. It’s so sad.

People LOVE Doctor Who. They fucking obsess over it night and day. (Uh, I’ve heard. Not me, no way! A-hem.) And I think I know why this version of the Doctor connects so well. It’s because he feels alone. He hurts and covers up the pain with jokes and/or immersing himself into a time/place that needs rescuing. I think a hurting world can most definitely relate. I know I can. I spent the bulk of the last 12 months feeling awfully, terribly, excruciatingly alone. But the difference between me, who has a husband, kids, family, friends, a good counselor, and you fine people; & the Doctor, who faces an eternal future alone while the people he cares for come and go, is that I know it’s going to get better. That’s what’s different.

That and also he’s a Time Lord with two hearts that travels through space and time. And apparently has a ten-inch penis.

placeholder

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement yesterday – they were clasped to my ample bosom in deep appreciation. Perhaps next time I can wrap some words around it.  In lieu of writing some kind of erotic account of the perfectly wonderful sex that was had (twice!) over the weekend, I leave you with this video, which never fails to make me fall apart with the giggles.

ok.

These things are making me feel ok at the moment… sometimes, I even feel better than ok.

• Doctor Who. Seriously, my boy & I have been steadily consuming at least 3 episodes a day over the past week. That’ll slow down when he heads back to school Monday.
• My steaming mug of coffee comforting my chilly hands in the morning. And then the warm coffee itself, heating my insides and waking me up.
• M complimented my hair last night. Felt like a small crack in the ice.
• Reconnecting with some of you via recent comments & blog posts.
• The anticipation of my upcoming counseling appointment.
• The Nerdist podcast – I have a massive lady-boner for Chris Hardwick.
• Having revealed the existence of this blog to a friend from high school and having him say “Get the hell out of here! That’s awesome!”
• It’s almost pool weather. I should probably do some bush-whacking.

 

awwwww YEAH.

I’ve won! Again! My delightful friend Theo who regularly scorches my face off with the major hotness of his writing has deemed me worthy of this hilariously named BILF award.

Here are the rules of the Sexy Blogger Award:

1. Post 5 sexy suggestions.
2. Post a link to your sexiest blog post.
3. Nominate 5 other sexy bloggers.
4. Let your nominees know they’re sexy.

So, here goes.

Five sexy suggestions:

1. Dear people of the world: please wear clothing that fits you. Err on the side of too small, if you must. Oversized clothing doesn’t flatter anyone.
2. Men: trim it up down there. No one wants a nose-full of pubes, and I promise, your dick will look bigger.
3. Turn your camera flash off if you’re taking pictures of skin. It’s best to just leave it off forever and ever, but it’s especially important if you’re photographing flesh.
4. Men: do something with your hands once in a while. Build a doghouse, install a shelf, fix the newel post. Alpha it up a bit.
5. Spend as much time naked or nearly-naked as possible. If I’m home alone, chances are I’m stripping most of the way.

Sexiest blog post:

I kinda liked this one. But if you want to know what has gotten the most pageviews of all time? OBVIOUSLY.

Nominate five other sexy bloggers.

1. I love pestering Reed into acting social. He’s sexy because he loves his wife so effing much. Devotion = sexy.
2. Nate is the newest blogger I’ve discovered. Well, to be fair, he discovered me first. But I like his writing, a lot. Good writing = sexy.
3. Oh, what can I say about LadyJ. She leaves THE BEST comments and is one of the most inspiring women I’ve ever encountered. Earnest, honest, and kind = sexy.
4. Lovely poetry and gorgeous flower photos… Jesse’s work = sexy.
5. Both M and I crush SO VERY HARD on the spectacular Lady Pandorah. It’s not even a joke when I say that you’d have to pry our eyes, hands, mouths and nethers off this woman if we ever were fortunate enough to be in the same room. LadyP = sexy.

I’m sure I could make a long, long list of BILFs. But M is my HILF and so I’d better get off the damned internet, AMIRITE?

perfect storm

I’ve probably used that as a post title before, but honestly? I don’t care enough to go check. Deal with it.

As you might be guessing, I’ve not been in tip-top shape. I’m hormonal, depressed, and overwhelmed. It’s two weeks until my would-have-been-due date. I’ve not been to the gym in a week because of a foot injury. I haven’t made time to talk to Reed. I’ve barely done any studying. I’m in minimal power mode, and I’ve only got enough juice to operate the basic systems at the moment. I’m pretty sure I’ve been shitty to M. I think I’m doing okay with my kids but I might not be seeing too clearly.

If I don’t list the good stuff I’ll feel like a total bitch clicking ‘publish.’

• there’s been a few occasions for sexy sex. Good sexy sex.
• my friends Jane & Mark have confessed they like to hug me so often because they get good boob contact from me. Happy to oblige.
• I have jelly beans. Good ones. I’m going to eat some in the next 5 minutes.

(Don’t you guys agree that this [beyond ridiculous] post is totally e-lust worthy? *headdesk*)

40 happinesses

I was all set to come here and vent about the crap that happened this weekend. And I do know that this is my space to say what I want, post what I want, and I can come & go as I please. To answer some of you who were wondering why I care at all about responses to what I’ve posted, the answer is this -

Blogging makes me feel less alone. I thrive in communion with others. So when no one responds, it’s hard to remember that I’m not. That’s it.

Anyway, moving on… Hubman has a list of 40 things that are making him happy right now. I like the idea of having that many happy things to think about so here’s my own list:

1. I had plenty of coffee this morning.
2. Despite not washing my hair, it looks decent. Normally I can’t pull off 2-day hair.
3. I had my first haircut in over a year last Friday.
4. It looks so much better.
5. I got a scalp & neck massage before my haircut.
6. I’m pretty sure the hairdresser’s hands had sex with my head during it.
7. The weather was slightly cooler this weekend.
8. So we opened our windows and turned the a/c off.
9. I roasted a chicken yesterday and it came out perfectly done.
10. I wore a new dress yesterday.
11. People said I looked like I walked off the set of Mad Men, which I assume was a compliment?
12. It’s a size smaller than the last dress I bought.
13. I sang really well this weekend.
14. My son got an award for being the most accomplished reader in his entire school, K-5th. He’s in 2nd.
15. My daughter is picking up sign-language at warp speed.
16. Locally grown summer vegetables are in the stores.
17. Almost every day I get an hour in the yard in the sun.
18. I spend that hour studying.
19. My study materials are fascinating to me.
20. I’m going to the beach on Friday.
21. I started watching LOST from the beginning last night. Again.
22. Sayid Jarrah. UNG, he’s gorgeous.
23. Desmond Hume.  GAH, I love him.
24. Baseball!
25. 3 game sweep to start the season!
26. My baseball player boyfriend hitting a grand slam in the first inning of the first game!
27. Winning bets on baseball games is awesome.
28. Jimmy Fallon. No particular reason, he makes me happy just by existing.
29. Fresh local strawberries, fresh biscuits, and real fresh whipped cream, moving from a bowl into my mouth.
30. How M & I seized the moment Saturday morning.
31. A Twitter friend from London sent me chocolates in the mail.
32. It’s better than stupid American chocolate.
33. I also can get wine gums at my local grocery store.
34. Going to the gym is still going well.
35. Because I can still eat candy sometimes and not look like a cow.
36. My oldest friend (and senior prom date!) still make each other laugh.
37. Today marks the 6th anniversary of my cousin’s death and instead of waking up sad, I woke up laughing at a dream I’d had about him. It was nice.
38. I don’t have to cook dinner tonight or tomorrow.
39. Which means I don’t have to do dinner dishes tonight or tomorrow.
40. For all the above things having to do with food, it makes me really happy that in my new jeans my ass looks like this:

What’s making you happy today?

*another* major award

Thanks to my new friend, Theo Black, I’ve been awarded the TMI Blog Award! I’m apparently supposed to share an embarrassing story as a result. Kinda seems RUDE, to give someone an award and then immediately require them to expose their shame. But hey, what do I know. One thing I do know is that Theo is someone I’m DEFINITELY looking forward to reading more from. I totally relate to the long-distance thing he’s got going on at the moment, and he’s already made me laugh more than a handful of times. Also, he believes in magic.

However, the difficulty in accepting this award for me comes from the fact that I, despite wracking my brain for quite some time, and consulting with M, who’s known me for nearly 14 years… uh, yeah. We got nothin’. Honestly! I truly cannot think of a time when I’ve done something particularly embarrassing. I mean, I’ve already written about the times my kids have walked in on us fucking. Now, Reed, who remembers every single conversation we’ve ever had, will probably chime in down in the comments with some obscure thing I told him one time 7 months ago. Feel free, dude.

But so I don’t totally neglect the spirit of the award, I’ve secured M’s permission to tell you that one night, about a week or so before we got married, we were sitting around the dinner table at my parents’ house. M & I, my sister, mother, father, and aunt were all enjoying post-meal conversation when somehow, a debate began as to what the thing that hangs in the back of your throat is called. M, my groom-to-be, quite confidently said, “Oh! I know! It’s the vulva!”

Ok, listen, it was either that story or the time, also pre-marriage, that he walked in on my father getting dressed after swimming, mid-step-into-the-underwear. *shudder*

Ok, so whoooooo am I going to bestow this burden perfectly lovely award upon now? Let’s see:

• Reed, because, well, because I’m dying to see if he’ll do something like this.
• Liza, who made me seriously die of HAWT the other day with this post. I might still be blushing at the unabashedly presumptuous comment I left on it.
• Jilly, because she is spectacularly fascinating.
• Scarlett, my darling woman from whom I am hoping to hear more…
• Sophia, because she is so open & honest, I can’t imagine what else she’ll share that’s TMI!
• My girl LadyP, because I wonder if such a poised and lovely lady has ever had an embarrassing moment…

The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.

Here are the rules:

•  Thank the person who presented you with the award.
•  Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
•  Share an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story in 250 words or less.
•  Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
•  Present the TMI Blog Award to 5 – 10 deserving blogs.
•  Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

my night

There’s a few things you should know about tonight.

• I’m on my third glass of wine. FOUR DOLLAR wine, bitches. Don’t hate.
• I have sunburn in strange places.
• I’ve been watching this video on repeat, over and over and over.

click here

• I’m not wearing much clothing at the moment.
• M is exhausted from a very very long week.
• I may end up frustrated tonight.
• I lost 2 friends this week, as in, they actively decided to no longer be friends with me. I’m sad about it.
• Did I mention I get SUPER horny when I’m drunk?

Ok. Have a good weekend, kids.

stuff that happened

So, yeah. I totally left the last post hanging without an update. Sorry. Sort of. Yeah, we had sex that night, it was nice.

Other things that have happened since:

I went away for a couple of days for work. I got back Saturday afternoon and immediately had a couple of other things to do for work.  I was lamenting not having gone to the gym for a few days, and would you believe that M, after 2+ days of solo parenting, suggests I go before they close at 8? He’s a peach, that one.

So I did, and I came home feeling a lot better. We fucked that night, and I thought it was good. I told M so the next day, and he gives me a look that says, “Reeeealllly? I disagree.” I was sort of baffled. When we talked about it later, he said several things bothered him. He said I complained during it. He said he doesn’t understand why I sometimes need lube now. He said I don’t always orgasm anymore.

All of those things can be explained, but it doesn’t really matter. All that matters is his perception of the fuck, and I tried to reassure him that YES, I was totally into it; YES, I will sometimes need lube/not orgasm now (among the more irritating of my anti-depressant’s side-effects) but that is not a reflection on where my head is at; and I’M SORRY that I complained about the way his thumb was digging into my thigh instead of doing something differently.

We got through it. Monday morning he got a seriously awesome handjob in the shower. Unfortunately I’ve been sick as a dog ever since, but there has been sweetness between us. We snuggled on the couch last night. I really would love to perk up enough to make something happen tonight, but as I shared with Reed earlier I feel like I have elephants sitting on my chest. {I then made a stupid joke about my boobs that fell flat (seewhatIdidthere). I’ve been making weird jokey comments all day it seems, I even gave Natasha a mental image she’d rather not have had, comparing how my butt looked in my very baggy shorts to something slightly repulsive. But then I made up for it by exchanging my shorts that literally fell off me earlier for my yoga pants. I do these things as a public service to my nation and fellow man. M’s not ass-obsessed for nothing, you know.}

This post is bizarre. I think I’ve lost my writing skills. Perhaps if I wrote more often I’d remember how to do it.