A: I haven’t posted in a while. What should I write about?
M: How I’m gonna give it to you up the ass tonight.
M: Yeah, after I tie you to the bed and spank you so hard you can’t sit down tomorrow. Then I’ll put clothespins on your nipples.
A: NO WAY. [to the clothespins, not the tying up and/or spanking.] Hey, can I interview you?
A: Come on! Who is the sexiest person ever?
M: I’m not doing an interview with you.
A: Why not?
M: Fine. Uh… (long pause) I… I don’t know who the sexiest person ever is. Me?
A: What have we done recently that you’ve really liked?
M: Made you squirt.
[I forgot to add in this post that there was a HUGE wet spot on the bed after I came while he was eating me out. *glows with pride*]
A: What are you looking forward to trying next?
A: Can you elaborate?
M: A second woman.
A: What do you hope she looks like?
M: That she has beautiful eyes and huge knockers.
A: What, mine aren’t big enough for you?
M: No, yours are plenty fine. Really that she’s not 51.
[the woman we thought might work out from CL turned out to be 51, past our preferred age range of 25-45]
A: What if I want to see you fuck her?
M: That’s fine.
A: Do you have a hard-on right now?
M: Give me 30 seconds and I can.
A: Do you have any questions for me?
M: Uh, no? Maybe? I guess… I’ll come back to that.
M: I’ll have to check my daytimer.
A: But I thought I was your secretary? You’re totally sleeping with your secretary.
A: It’s like you work for Sterling Cooper Draper Price.
M: (long pause) What? Okay.
I probably shouldn’t interview him during a baseball game.
M: Wait, you don’t have any more questions?
A: You seemed to be done. I already published.
M: It was a statement, not a question.
A: Ok, If you could only do one sexual thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
M: Oh, good Lord. Uh… receive blowjobs.
A: Well, that’s predictably male answer.
M: Well, it’s not gonna be masturbation!
A: Well, what if I’m dead?
M: I didn’t specifically say I’d get them from you.
A: You’re so sweet.
M: Yes. I mean, it would be from you until you die. Plan on doing that anytime soon?
A: Not if I can help it, dear. If you could pick any man alive to have sex with, who would it be?
M: I’ve never really thought about it. (very long pause) I don’t think there’s an answer to that question.
A: Hmmm. Have you ever had a crush on any of our friends?
M: I don’t want to say crush, but… I don’t know.
A: Let me put it this way…
M: (predicting what I was about to ask) Did I ever want to *do* any of our friends? I guess I was somewhat interested in S—— and then I was a little interested in K—–, and then I lost interest, but then I saw her <doing an activity I DETEST but that he loves> and then I thought I want to kidnap her and run away to Belize. Plus she cuddles with her husband.
A: We cuddle. [We do!!]
A: How come you never told me about thinking they were hot?
M: It seems obvious not to tell your wife that. I don’t think they’re hot, there was just this… ok… I think it’s human nature or male nature to go, ok, to judge… I don’t know, I can’t really… [the ballgame has obviously gotten his attention again.]
A: What if we did end up going to a swingers club and there was a couple we were both attracted to? How would you feel about the guy fucking me in front of you?
M: As long as I could do his wife… As long as I get to fuck her and you suck my cock when I come.
A: I am on board with that plan. Would you ever want to have a threesome with another man? What if I really wanted to?
M: I guess it’d be all right. But it’d have to be J—– (his gay co-worker).
A: Aha! I knew there was a man you’d fuck. But I guarantee it’d be easier to find a man for a threesome than a woman.
M: Yeah, but, I’m not interested.
A: You just said you were!
M: We’d have to be really selective.
A: Well, obviously.
M: Where else are you gonna find a man who looks as good as me?
A: One thing I’ve always loved about you is your modesty.
M: It is my best quality.
A: I came up with that joke a hundred years ago and you know it. Hey, for someone who didn’t want to be interviewed, you sure are having fun answering.
M: What can I say, I’m a talker. Is that a question?
A: No. You sure you don’t have any questions for me?
M: Have you met a girlfriend yet?
A: No. You’d know it if I had. Well, there was that woman at the lesbian bar who gave me her earrings.
M: That was kinda weird.
A: You’re telling me.
M: Is that somebody you would have potentially hooked up with?
A: Maybe. She had a lot of issues, though. I guess I attract people with issues. [referring of course to last summer's failed attempt]
Ok, I’ll close this interview by telling you I love you.
M: I want to know what sort of sexual activity would you like to experience next.
A: Same as you. I want to lick pussy.
M: If you could pick one vegetable to have sex with, which would it be?
A: Zucchini. Or a peach.
M: Peaches are very sexy.
A: Yeah, but they’re not vegetables. Whoops.
M: Minor detail.
A: Anything else?
M: I wouldn’t mind – I don’t know if I want *you* giving it to me up the ass while I’m fucking another woman, or if I want another woman fucking me while I fuck you? Or if I just want you to do it by yourself. Or if I want a man to do it. I don’t think so, though. I just like cleavage a lot. A LOT.
A: (laughing for a long time)
M: So I don’t think I want that.
A: This post is now over 1100 words. Way longer than most of my posts.
M: That’s what you said about my dick, too.
A: That doesn’t make any sense.