simple

I knew we were on for last night. I fell asleep listening to a podcast (The Nerdist, if you must know) and when it finished I woke up and he was next to me. We kissed. We groped. I turned around so my head was at his waist level and pulled off his shorts.

The jar of coconut oil* was on the dresser. I dipped my fingers in and it melted instantly. With my slick hand I stroked him. He likes it when I hold his foreskin down and squeeze the base of his dick while touching the head and shaft with the other hand. So that’s what I did. The hard and soft of his cock combined with my hand and the oil were perfect. I gently touched his balls. He groaned.

He stopped me or slowed me down 3 times, prolonging things. Fine by me.

When he couldn’t take any more he asked if he could come on my tits. I took off my shirt and let him straddle me, gripping my boobs. His grasp was just on the edge of too tight. A few strokes and he was done for. Quick clean up and then I got to be the big spoon while we fell asleep. I whispered to him, “I love you. I hope you know I get just as much pleasure out of that as you do.” I really meant it, too.

“Mmmmm.”

 

*****************

RE: Coconut Oil… Good lord, what took us so long to try this amazing stuff? It lasts forever (both in the amount you can get in a container and in the length of time it works as lube). It doesn’t smell bad, it’s not sticky, you can get it organic. M gave me the BEST. MASSAGE. EVER. with it last week. I don’t feel like I need to scrub it off after using it like I do with other lubes/massage oils.

Plus, it makes a mean stir-fry.

 

endings and beginnings

I’m thinking about people I love today.

I’m thinking about April 2006. It’s been seven years since my young cousin died of a heroin overdose. It was an ugly death – shocked us all even though we knew he struggled with his addiction. No one wants to think about a 21 year old kid dying alone on the floor while his ‘friends’ flush their drugs and clean up the paraphernalia before they bother to call 911. I still think about him all the time. I still ache for his parents, his sister, and for all of us who miss him.

I’m thinking about some good friends of mine, who after a 5 year wait are spending the day consumed with hope and fear over a court date taking place across the world; an event that determines the future of one little 10 month old boy and the potential adoptive parents who already love him. A few more hours and they’ll know if his parents relinquish custody and if he’s theirs. It will be nice to have a different reason to remember April 9th.

I’m thinking about my marriage. My counselor has asked me to write a letter to M, one that I’ll probably never give him. I can’t get started. I don’t know what to say. It’s tempting to let the current harmony we’re experiencing fool me into thinking we’re TOTALLY FINE. But I know we have so much work to do.

I’m thinking about how M’s been sleeping in the bed almost every night lately, and about how that makes me really happy and loved, even if it’s not always sexy.

I’m thinking about how I haven’t talked to Reed in a long time, and that I miss him a lot.

I’m thinking about my Gram, and how I hope she and my cousin are in a lovely place together waiting for the rest of us.

I’m thinking about my kids and how sometimes it hurts to look at them because they are so beautiful.

I’m thinking about people I love today.